you: that is a nice ass shirt
me: thank you but, to be honest, its called “pants” and not an “ass shirt”
Performance, tumblr text post on screen, 2014
it’s just like, why are there cat emojis for loads of emotions as well as normal humans emojis
like, when do i need to express these emotions… but as a cat
they’re not for you… they’re for ME
Don’t confuse my personality with my attitude. My personality is who I am. My attitude depends on who you are.
John Mulaney | The Salt & Pepper Diner
THE BEST JOKE IN EXISTENCE
GOD I JUST TOLD SOMEONE ABOUT THIS STORY
This is one of the best pieces of comedy that I have ever had the pleasure of witnessing. I love this. I have been looking for this online for awhile.
good morning class, today we’ll be learning about how life is arbitrary and unfair. i didnt even read any of your essays but you all failed
If you have to call me name, I prefer Ross the Divorcer. It’s just cooler.
i think about this video almost every day
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